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Roulette basic payouts

I have this saved on a primary spreadsheet of mine that I’m trying to clean up because i have so much thrown into it that I just wanted to learn about and now no longer care about. This topic being one of them. It may cycle back into my life but for now it is what it is. It seems a shame to just toss it so I needed to post it here in case it helps you understand it a little better. You’re welcome.

The table below is my attempt to understand the basics. Sure, I could just play black/red, high/low, or even/odd and get a payout of 1:1 but I wanted to see payouts on everything else. I found I could make a little more playing dozens or columns (2:1). Even more playing a line (5:1), top line (6:1), corner (8:1), street (11:1), split (17:1), or straight up (35:1). I never did anything about it so I guess the money I didn’t play is the money I won. If I ever do play $10 on this, I could walk out with anywhere from $0 to $360 a play depending on where I place it.

You make me happy

You make me happy
When you do what you do
Anytime, anyplace
I’m happy with you

…On a side note I want to try to learn how to blog. Looking for feedback on what to categorize this as (random thought?) and what kinds of tags I could add (feel good, happiness, relationships?) to this or prior posts.

SNAP!

My right foot folds in as my ankle is completely taken off guard by the weight of my body. This task was not listed in the job description. If it was I’m sure it would’ve picked a better fit like a tooth or even a nipple. My knee folded to help my ankle out the best it could. My other leg then tried to take over as to keep the rest of my body from tasting the grass. It worked. I felt the tears escape from my eyes as I stood there all shaky from the slap of karma I just received. My knees were telling me that I shouldn’t be standing as my left one decided to give. Profanity let me stay vertical as my son quietly looked on. All I could do was stand there cursing and telling myself not to be a wimp. Eat the pain! It will be over soon enough. Maybe a minute passed doing just that and nothing improved. I took a step as my ankle itself voiced its pain out of my mouth. A wave of tears crashed into the break wall and sprayed the ten dollar sunglasses I was wearing. OK, let’s do this again. I’m not sure if I was happy about not having a swear jar anymore because if there was one I’d be filling it up as I reminded Bobithan of the dark side of our vocabulary. Three more steps. My words were quivering. The car was sitting in front of me completely oblivious of the potentially life changing event that had just happened to me. Step, step, breathe. Step, step, breathe. Step, step, breathe. With my companion standing next to me the entire time I reached the curb. I’m expecting him to get in the car as I turn to look at him but he’s just looking at me. I motion my expectations to him as I state that I’ll be fine. Stepping down into the street was easier than I thought. The pain was still at the top of the scale but the need to sit in a 2008 Hyundai Accent with 400 miles on it was nice motivation. I get around to the shiny black driver’s side door with nine year old eyes watching me open it up. I wasn’t looking forward to the steps I needed to take to sit down in the commanding seat of our transportation. After a deep breath I grab the top of the door and the steering wheel and in a continuous motion I throw my foot in as my weight shifts from my size twelve sandal to my oversized backside. Again the quivering condemnation of the situation is given thru my lack of articulation. I go over the list of choices I now face. Go home. Go to an ER. Call home. Deal with it and continue with the trip. I ask the potential victim of a bad choice what he wants to do and I learn of his support on whatever I choose. Let’s find the highway.

John Belushi: Wrong Time, Wrong Place, Wrong People. An investigation into the larger-than-life comedian’s final days By Randall Sullivan

This article is taken from Rolling Stone Magazine. The text is dated May 13, 1982.

The night before Cathy Evelyn Smith was seen across the country as the “Belushi Mystery Woman” on ABC’s 20/20, her attorney, Robert Sheahen, was standing in front of St. John’s Hospital in Santa Monica. He had a problem: While he had been upstairs in the maternity ward visiting his wife and their two-day-old baby, Sheahen said, his client had wandered off. But it was all right. She was alone, on foot and inebriated. She wouldn’t get far.

“She called me from a pay phone and said she was drinking in a bar in an alley behind the hospital,” the attorney explained, climbing into his car. “We’ll find her.”

We pulled off Santa Monica Boulevard and then made a hard right on Arizona into a neighborhood of stucco apartment buildings. Sheahen pointed to the first alley on the left: “Let’s try in there.”

The alley was a concrete driveway between the banks of apartment buildings. It was dark, lined with garages and garbage cans. Who the hell would look for a bar in a deserted alley in Santa Monica? I began to ask.

“That looks like her,” Sheahen said, pointing ahead. The headlights illuminated a pair of flabby thighs encased in white stretch pants tucked into high-heeled cowboy boots. Floating above was a woman’s broad, florid face coated with sweat-congealed makeup.

“You come to take me for a ride?” Cathy Evelyn Smith asked, grinning sloppily and pitching forward off the narrow shoulder of the man upon whom she had been leaning. He was about 50, with tattooed forearms and silver hair greased straight back from a scarred forehead. The man raised an open palm as if to say hello, then quickly released the woman and brought up his other hand in a gesture of surrender.

“I was just bringing her back,” the man said. “I didn’t touch her. I swear to God.”

“I have to go,” Smith told the man. “It’s been fun.”

Sheahen climbed out of the car and poured his client into the front seat, where she came to rest with her head against the dashboard. Cathy Smith turned and, peeking through a thatch of brittle, broken brown hair, leered suspiciously.

“Where the fuck am I?” she wanted to know. Her own question struck her as hilarious, and she doubled over with laughter.

The place she had just come out of, a white shed with painted windows, lacked not only a sign but even an obvious entrance. It was, to strain a euphemism, a private club.

“I saw these three black guys standing up here, smoking a joint, and I figured there had to be something going on. ‘Is it cocktail hour yet?’ I asked ’em. ‘Is it five o’clock yet?’ They told me it was quarter to five, but I said, ‘What the hell, startin’ early’s better than startin’ late.’”

It was quarter after seven now. “It’s been a very rough week for Cathy,” her attorney pointed out. “She’s understandably dejected and disconsolate.”

“I’m disconsolate as hell,” Smith said with a laugh so harsh it silenced everyone in the car.

We headed to a motel for the world premiere interview with the 34-year-old fugitive from the press.

Thirteen Days earlier, on the afternoon of March 5th, Cathy Evelyn Smith had appeared driving the wrong way into the one-way exit of the Chateau Marmont Hotel on Sunset Strip behind the wheel of John Belushi’s rented red Mercedes. It was an arrival that made national news, because at that moment, a hundred feet away, Belushi lay naked and dead on the floor of his $200-a-day bungalow. The police who had cordoned off the area were reflexively insisting it had been “death from natural causes.” But the phalanx of media ghouls massed behind the police line already suspected, correctly, that Belushi had died of a drug overdose. So when the unidentified woman in a blue and gray jogging suit was led away in handcuffs to a black and white patrol car, she was followed by dozens of TV and tabloid reporters looking for a break in the story.

The media was distracted for a while when Belushi’s widow, Judy Jacklin, told the Chicago Sun Times that her husband had been with Robert De Niro and Robin Williams on the night of his death. However, De Niro’s agent said the actor “absolutely was not in Belushi’s room” in the early morning hours of March 5th. Williams’ agent confirmed that Williams and Belushi were together the night before Belushi died, but said, “I really don’t know” if Williams later visited Belushi at the Chateau Marmont. Both De Niro and Williams were unavailable for comment.

If the “mystery woman” were booked on a drug charge, according to certain well-placed sources, the list of potential material witnesses would include an astonishing array of the entertainment industry’s biggest stars. The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), however, would reveal no other names besides Cathy Smith’s. And they declined to file any criminal charges against her. Police reluctantly confirmed that Smith had turned over a syringe and a spoon that she had taken from Belushi’s bungalow on the morning of his death. And “technically,” Smith’s “possession of drug paraphernalia was a crime,” conceded Russ Kuster, a detective in the Hollywood Division. “But we wouldn’t have even known about that stuff if she hadn’t told us,” Kuster added. “She cooperated fully.”

If Smith had provided Belushi with the drugs he used to overdose, or if she had helped put the needle in his arm, Kuster said, “There would have been grounds, technically, for a charge of manslaughter. But we have no evidence of that.”

Had the other people who were present during the early morning hours of Belushi’s overdose been questioned?

“Look,” Kuster said, “nobody, least of all someone famous, is gonna cop to a drug charge where there’s no real evidence.”

John Belushi’s death brought into focus some ugly political tensions in Los Angeles. The LAPD’s administration downtown, a willing recipient of the entertainment industry’s glorified buggery dating back to the era of Jack Webb’s Dragnet, was not talking. The department’s Hollywood Division, where the actual investigation had been conducted, has been the nervous object of official scrutiny involving charges that officers had burglarized stereo and video equipment stores, and that several Hollywood cops had had “sexual relationships” with a group of female Explorer Scouts. The Hollywood Division’s commander, Captain Jerry Feinberg, retired under pressure from Police Chief Daryl Gates four weeks after Belushi’s death. And Los Angeles County Coroner Thomas Noguchi, from whose office the most accurate information about Belushi’s death emerged, was stifled by a threat of suspension from the County Board of Supervisors.

Thus, Cathy Evelyn Smith, upon her release, became the last hope for reporters who were still on the case. Smith became an instant media event — except for the slight problem that no one could find her.

The National Enquirer staked out the east Hollywood apartment on Bimini Place that Smith shared with a waiter. The Enquirer also offered Sheahen, her attorney, $20,000 for an exclusive story. Instead, the attorney arranged for Smith to flee to St. Louis, a city where she knew no one.

St. Louis was “the most boring place on earth,” Smith said, until two Associated Press reporters spotted her in the bar of a hotel where she was registered under her own name. The wire-service reporters demanded to know if she was the Cathy Smith, and she was pursued upstairs by overeager hotel security guards who ordered her to turn over her stash of cocaine and heroin (she didn’t have any). The next morning, she caught a plane back to L.A. while Sheahen arranged an interview with, in his words, “the most responsible publication available.”

“For the cost of a $30 motel room,” the attorney observed, “you’re getting what the Enquirer offered thousands for.”

The room that would be the setting for the interview was in a drab brown stucco motel on Santa Monica Boulevard that advertised a heated pool and silent air conditioning. The hospital had recommended the place. As we parked and climbed the stairs to Room 280, Sheahen told his client, “I recognize this place. I used to know a couple of guys who dealt Dilaudid out of here.”

A motel guest who saw me helping the photographer carry his four steel cases of equipment stopped me on the stairway. “You guys makin’ a movie in there?” he wanted to know. “You mind?” I asked. He shook his head and grinned. “Just keep the curtains open when you get to the good part.”

We drew the curtains, and Cathy Smith closed the door behind her. She would only come a few feet into the room. She sat on the silent air conditioner and demanded, “What the fuck you want from me? What is this?”

John Belushi, Cathy, John Belushi.

Her smile vanished. Smith lowered her head and submerged into sobbing that was painful to watch for all the wrong reasons.

“John Belushi,” she said. “Guy was the greatest guy I ever met. He elevated the slob to a Bel Air partygoer. His comedy put Richard Pryor to shame.”

It was either a prepared speech, or Cathy Smith has a lousy memory, because she repeated the same words, verbatim, at least five or six times during a 90-minute interview.

“He was very spirishual,” Smith said, “very spirishual.”

Belushi’s “spirishuality” was not among the things that attracted Smith to him when she first met the actor five years ago backstage at Saturday Night Live in New York. At that time, Smith was traveling with the Band, “looking out for one of the members’ health,” she said. “I’m not gonna say who.

“I didn’t pay that much attention to John Belushi then,” Smith said. “I was somebody tryin’ to make my own mark.”

The mark Smith hoped to make was through her career as a “songwriter and screenwriter.” She declined to name any titles. “I’m not gonna write a fuckin’ thing,” she said, with one of her raw laughs. “I’m not gonna write until it pays me to write.”

One thing for sure, Cathy Evelyn Smith has gathered a lot of material. In her hometown of Toronto, she was a well-known local scene maker since her early teens. She was “absolutely beautiful, one of the ladies who had everything a man always wanted but was afraid to confront,” recalled Bernie Fiedler, who owned the Riverboat, a Toronto folk club during the Sixties. Cathy had a relationship with Ian Tyson of Ian and Sylvia. She spent four years as the live-in lady of Gordon Lightfoot, who described her later as the one woman who had really hurt him. When the relationship was broken up by Cathy’s affair with Brian Good of the Good Brothers, Lightfoot wrote the song “Sundown” about it.

She later married, divorced and “had a kid,” Smith said. In 1978, she left the complications she had created for herself in Toronto and migrated to Los Angeles, attempting, at the age of 30, to graduate from folk-music groupie to the more dangerous world of rock & roll.

A man who knew her during her first few months in Los Angeles remembered her as a woman who seemed disinterested in “intimate relationships with men.”

“People like that make it sound like I never fucked anybody since Gordon Lightfoot,” Smith said. “Hardly true, I tell ya, hardly true. I’ve lived with everybody.”

Smith made a real run at success in the music industry, scoring a job as a backup singer with Hoyt Axton’s road company. Axton would issue only the following statement, through his mother, Mary: “Cathy Smith sang backup with my band. Together we cowrote the song ‘Flash of Fire.’ I dated her a few times and she seemed like a very nice girl.”

Others who knew Cathy Smith in 1978 recalled that she possessed a sweet voice and an exceptionally pretty face. But the next four years were very long ones.

“I got tired of riding a bus, a 42-foot-long bus, going back and forth from Kansas City to L.A.,” Smith said. “I didn’t know where I was.” When she realized “all the money was in writing,” Smith got off the bus for good in Los Angeles. Writing, though, was not where Cathy Smith found success.

“I hear I’m not John Lennon,” she said. “Of course I’m not. I’m not John Belushi, either. I’m not any of those people.”

Those people, though, gave Smith the light of their reflected glow. In L.A., she connected with “my all-time heroes,” the Rolling Stones. She spent eight months with them, much of it in the Getty Mansion they were renting up on Forest Knoll Drive in the Hollywood Hills. Her recollection of that time was somewhat garbled.

“I was working for them. I was looking after Ronnie Wood’s car, pending his divorce. They were on the road.”

The Stones eventually threw her out for “mouthing off to Mick and Keith,” Smith said. “They asked me to leave; that’s basically true. The thing was, they couldn’t stand somebody who told the truth. That was basically the reason for getting rid of me. They all wanted to hide in the back bedroom. I said, ‘Ronnie, you’re gonna have to work on saying no.’ I’m sorry, but that’s his basic problem.”

It was while she was with the Stones that Smith became involved seriously with heroin, contend several people who say they did business with her during that time. She discovered, according to some old but not very fond acquaintances, that she received both better pay and more respect for her heroin connections than she did for her songwriting. A few people finger her as a dealer, but others say she was simply a go-between, transportation. Musicians and entertainers would contact her or send her out from their homes to make a purchase of a specific amount of a particular drug. It was a period of her life, Smith said, when she was making as much as $50,000 a month. How? “Very carefully,” she said.

“Her own personal consumption erased her profit margin,” contends a customer who says he did business with Smith. Late in 1980, she lost her Jeep, then her apartment. She was out of business and broke. Yet, when asked about allegations that she dealt drugs, Smith said, “I’ve never done anything like that and I never will.”

John Ponse, a battered and white-haired Polo Lounge waiter of Dutch-Indonesian descent, offered her a place to stay. Ponse had met Smith about two years earlier at the bar in Dan Tana’s, where she arrived, he said, “like a breath of fresh air.” He gave Cathy a partitioned-off section of the living room, where she laid a mattress on the floor, covered it with a blue India print spread and made a home that lasted 18 months. Above her dresser was a line drawing of a rock star emerging from a limousine, given to her, Ponse said, by “a high roller with $10 in his pocket.”

Ponse, who saw Smith through an entirely different set of lenses than most of the men whose lives she passed through, says he felt only sympathy for her. “She’s a wonderful human being,” Ponse said. “They call her a groupie. How many groupies will mop the floors or water the plants or feed the cats? She did all that. She bought the groceries. She was very fastidious and very generous. She will give you her last cigarette. There is no one I would rather call with a problem at four o’clock in the morning than Cathy.

“All those people who were there that night when Belushi died — they all disappeared. They left only Cathy to hold the bag. But she stands up, she gives no names. All those other people, famous people, hiding. I say they are assholes.”

Not long after she moved in with Ponse, Cathy Smith was arrested by the California Highway Patrol in West Los Angeles for possession of heroin and for driving under the influence of the drug. A Canadian citizen whose resident status is a subject her attorney called “off-limits,” Smith filed documents at the Beverly Hills Courthouse listing her parents at an address in Rochester, New York. In fact, the address she gave does belong to a man named Smith, an attorney who does, in fact, have a daughter named Cathy — but she’s 13-years-old.

Questioned about this remarkably convenient inaccuracy, Smith quoted a long passage from Bob Dylan’s song “Idiot Wind,” which ends with the phrase, “I can’t help it if I’m lucky.” Sheahen got Smith off on the heroin bust with no more than probation and the requirement that she attend “drug-education classes” at the Do It Now Foundation in Hollywood.

During the next year, Smith’s life cycled downward as she acquired a reputation as an obnoxious drunk. She was banished from a couple of Hollywood bars, including Dan Tana’s, where the maitre d’ exiled her for loud and bothersome behavior. Even John Ponse admits Smith was “drunk a lot” and “out a lot” during the last year. She was out all the time during the first week of March 1982. She returned to the apartment on Bimini Place just once, to use the phone. John Belushi was with her.

They seemed to be very friendly,” Ponse recalled. “Belushi looked perfectly all right to me then.” But Belushi wasn’t all right. During the five days he spent with Cathy Smith, he injected cocaine and speedballs — cocaine mixed with heroin. According to the medical examiner who performed the autopsy, there were half a dozen needle marks on each arm. There were no track marks, which would have indicated long-term use.

Belushi was said by friends to have been frightened by needles, unable to use one on himself. Did Smith shoot him up? “What the fuck you trying to do to me?” she asked.

It was John Belushi who sought her out, Smith said, five days before his death. “He wanted me to take care of him.” Sheahen described his client’s relationship with Belushi as “strictly professional.”

Belushi’s nonstop binge was set off, he confided to both friends and strangers, by Paramount’s rejection of a draft of a screenplay he had written with Don Novello (a.k.a. Father Guido Sarducci). It was a comedy called Noble Rot, and Belushi was outraged when the studio turned it down.

“He couldn’t believe they wouldn’t take his screenplay,” Smith said, “but that they wanted him to do this movie about a little boy born into a porno family, a family making porno flicks.”

That film, inaccurately summarized, was to be a comedy that borrowed — for a price, of course — the title of Alex Comfort’s book The Joy of Sex. According to Belushi’s manager, Bernie Brillstem, Paramount had agreed at a meeting on the afternoon before Belushi’s death to make Noble Rot sometime in 1983, after a script revision by Novello.

“He was unhappy that Paramount didn’t jump up and down over the script,” said Brillstein. “John was a very definite guy. He wanted immediate approval.”

The studio assuaged Belushi’s ego, however, by offering him enormous sums of money to do it their way — somewhere between $10 million and $12 million for four pictures over the next two years, according to Brillstein.

“His best line,” Brillstein said, “when I would tell him the prices he was getting for his next movie was, ‘Well, a man’s gotta live.’

“But he was very embarrassed about the amount of money. He couldn’t believe it.”

Whatever, Belushi’s blend of disbelief, disappointment, embarrassment, gratitude, glee and celebrity confusion expressed itself in a manic energy, fueled during the last week of his life by an incredible consumption of cocaine, tooting it and running it in an alternating, almost nonstop, cycle.

“L.A. was always bad,” Judy Jacklin would say later. Belushi was saying the same thing. He had to get out of Los Angeles, Belushi told a young musician and cab driver named Billy Kopecky, whom he met at the counter of the Beverly Hills Cafe and invited out to his rented Mercedes to do a few lines of coke. He should be in El Salvador, where there were important things happening, Belushi told Kopecky. There was nothing important happening in Los Angeles. As he and Kopecky sat in the car, snorting cocaine off the lid of the glove compartment, Belushi complained about so-called friends he had once helped but who were now stabbing him in the back.

“He seemed to me like someone who thought the only way he could be accepted by the rock & roll crowd was by doing drugs,” said Kopecky.

About all of the city Belushi saw during his last week was the Sunset Strip district. It’s a party scene, and in public, Belushi played the party boy, bouncing around from a black-walled rock club called the Central to the red and glittery Roxy, to the neighboring Rainbow Bar and Grill, to the strip’s flashiest dive, Carlos ‘n Charlie’s, to the Improvisation on Melrose, to Dan Tana’s on Santa Monica Boulevard.

Belushi was cranked up on cocaine nearly all of the time and, during the last few days, had been cutting the coke with scrapings from a gram of pure heroin that he bought for $1000. “He would try anything he could find,” said Smith.

Belushi’s bungalow at the Chateau Marmont became the central staging area for early morning activities after the clubs on the strip closed at 2 a.m. The only sleep he got during his last week, Belushi told a stranger in the Beverly Hills Hotel, came when he sneaked away from his $200-a-day bungalow to rent a cheap motel room.

On the night before his death, Belushi showed up at the Rainbow complaining that he was sick to his stomach from the greasy food he had just eaten. Rainbow manager Mark Weber gave him some soup to settle his stomach, then Belushi ingested a little cocaine to stir it up again. At a little after 9 p.m., with Cathy Smith in tow, he headed over to the Roxy’s private club, On the Rox, an impenetrably exclusive establishment favored by people as diverse as Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Jack Nicholson, one of the club’s founding fathers.

When Belushi walked back across the parking lot to the Rainbow an hour later, he was accompanied by Robert De Niro. Belushi left De Niro alone on the dance floor and climbed into the DJ’s booth to see his friend Leroy Jones, a former backup singer for the Tubes. Belushi sat in the booth for a while, suggesting songs and complaining that he was tired. “His pace had accelerated triple-fold the last week,” Jones said. “He told me that night, ‘I’m not a millionaire. Things are getting too heavy.’”

Belushi rejoined De Niro at a little past midnight, said Jones. Before he left, Belushi autographed the cover of a magazine on which he appeared. The inscription read: LEROY, I’LL BE BACK. DON’T FUCK UP. YOUR FRIEND, JOHN BELUSHI. “He didn’t even say goodbye,” Jones remembered.

Belushi went back across the parking lot again to On the Rox, where the walls are adorned with the original sketches of Bob Dylan, the Beatles, Jim Morrison and the Doors and others from the coffee-table book Rock Dreams. Belushi picked up a guitar and began to play riffs for people at their tables. He stopped momentarily at a table of born-again Christians, including singer Johnny Rivers and Todd Fisher, actress Carrie’s brother. “John was already sort of high, but he wasn’t falling around,” said Fisher. “He was controlled enough to walk around and hold a conversation. It looked like he hadn’t been sleeping, but that’s how he always was.”

Belushi wasn’t interested in Jesus freak dialogues, so he ducked away from the Christian contingent and hid in the club’s kitchen. Rivers followed Belushi into the kitchen, and they sang a couple of songs together. After Rivers returned to his friends, Belushi poked his head out the door and asked the bartender, “Are they still there?” The bartender nodded, and Belushi waited in the kitchen until Rivers and his party left, just before 2 a.m.

Downstairs in the parking lot, Belushi scored his third package of cocaine that night, according to Smith. Mario Maglieri, owner of the Roxy and the Rainbow, saw Belushi standing in the parking lot with De Niro and Robin Williams as the clubs were closing at 2 a.m. Belushi was too drunk to drive, so Smith ferried him back to the Chateau Marmont in his Mercedes. According to Smith, De Niro and Williams showed up a short time later with friends — “all very big-name people,” according to Smith — and stayed until about 3:30 a.m.

“Someone took one of the packages of several kinds of drugs,” Smith said. “John was real pissed.”

Belushi had reserves enough to carry on, though. Alone with Smith, he continued to run speedballs, toot coke and pour wine from a case of bottles he had ordered. Then, at about 6 a.m., he began to complain of hot and cold flashes. At 6:30, he took a shower, and at 8:00 he climbed naked into bed, falling into a shallow sleep wracked by convulsive shivers and loud wheezing.

At 9:30 a.m., Smith, who said she was writing letters in the other room, was so disturbed by Belushi’s breathing that she woke him to ask if he was all right. She said she made him drink a glass of water and asked if he needed anything else.

“Just don’t leave me alone,” were Belushi’s last words.

Smith waited until a little after 10 a.m., when Belushi was either sleeping or unconscious or dead — she “really didn’t know” — and then she left him alone.

“I had business of my own to attend to,” she explained. She said she removed a syringe and a spoon from the scene before she left. Belushi’s “physical trainer,” William “Superfoot” Wallace, a former karate-kick champion, discovered the body at a little past noon. About two hours later, Smith returned at the wheel of the red Mercedes and “drove into a fuckin’ dragnet.”

“Actually, I think I might have done the best thing I could possibly do by returning,” she said. “You want to know the truth, if I hadn’t showed up, I really would’ve been in deep shit. Jesus Christ,” she said, a laugh gurgling up, “can you imagine, taking off with the guy’s car when he’s dead and not showing up again?”

The fact that she came back did little to exonerate Cathy Smith in the eyes of those who had been close to Belushi.

“The woman had a needle in her possession. John did not,” said Brillstein. “I don’t understand why someone hasn’t investigated the actual causes of his death.

“I don’t believe John could have given himself those shots. I know for a fact he had a fear of needles. Joel Briskin [an agent] and I took him to the doctor to have his knee drained, and we had to hold him down when they put the needle in.” It was impossible, however, to investigate the “actual causes” of Belushi’s death, Brillstein agreed. Except for Cathy Smith, the people who had been with Belushi that night were all hiding behind the same answer: “No comment.”

“One of them did send me some things I had given to John,” said Brillstein of De Niro and Williams. “He said he wanted to talk in three or four weeks.

“I know for a fact that neither one of them has contacted John’s wife, Judy,” Brillstein added. “So neither she nor I know the true story.”

The conclusion, at least, of that true story was available from the office of the Los Angeles County Coroner, which attributed Belushi’s death to “acute cocaine and heroin intoxication.”

There were enough drugs in his body to kill even a healthy man, the examining pathologist said, and Belushi was far from healthy. The autopsy report listed 11 abnormalities at the time of death, including, “pulmonary congestion with distended lungs,” a swollen brain, a swollen heart with “aorta atherosclerosis,” an enlarged liver and obesity.

At death, John Belushi was five-feet-eight inches tall and weighed 222 pounds. The medical examiner reported: “The body was first examined at 16:37 hours on the 5th of March, 1982. At that time, the body was nude and lying on the floor of a bedroom on its back, with the arms spread out sideways with a ninety-degree angle at the shoulders.”

After interviews with Cathy Smith, the coroner and the police placed the time of Belushi’s death somewhere between 10:15 a.m. and 12:45 p.m.

Cathy Smith, though, wasn’t so certain in the motel room in Santa Monica: “In reality, I’m the only person in the world who was there, perhaps, when he died. I’m not quite sure when he died.

“I know I’m the last person who saw him alive. I know what he did for the last 24 hours. It was just the Hollywood scene, really, nothing out of the ordinary.”

Sundown

Yesterday started with me going thru my Spotify playlist titled Chaos, Karma & Cannabis. I have other names for it as well, names like Clean Kids Causing Catastrophe and Killers Creating Cages but this isn’t about what I name my playlists. This is about what I found in my playlist. It’s a song by Gordon Lightfoot called Sundown. I started thinking about the lyrics and wondering what it was about. I found it was all about Cathy Smith.

Who is Cathy Smith? I’m glad you asked. Here’s all that I know at the moment.

Cathy Smith was 16 years old in 1963 when she met Levon Helm and Rick Danko (members of a band called The Hawks). The band members were facing a drug bust in Toronto and Levon explained the situation to her. She blew the cop who was the chief witness and then told him she was 14 years old. The cop disappeared and charges were dropped.

Levon, Rick, and Richard Manuel left The Hawks and formed The Band. Cathy toured with them as a groupie. Levon mentioned on the Conan O’Brien Show back in 1993 that his very favorite song to sing every night way back then was “Short Fat Fannie” It was also the song that he used to tease Cathy with. She would turn red and run away cause every time he sang it, he would look over at her and grin.

One night a few months after she met them, they rented a few rooms in the Seahorse Motel down on the lakeshore. She ended up in bed with Rick Danko. In the middle of it, Rick found out she wasn’t on the pill and things stopped. He got out of bed and wandered on down the hall, then Levon walked in and climbed into bed. Six weeks later, Smith discovered she was pregnant with “the band baby,” named this as its paternity was unclear. Levon was the father, she insists, although she also says that she ‘didn’t belong particularly to Levon’. Richard Manuel offered to marry her, but she turned him down.

In 1968 The Band released a song called The Weight which apparently is about the load that one or all of them were carrying regarding the pregnancy, the baby, the guilt, ‘the impossibility of’ redemption and also a possible reference of somebody having the clap.

What happened to the band baby? !!!? I’m still looking for the answer to that. On to her next venture…

She became an employee and then mistress of Gordon Lightfoot in the early to mid-’70s. …I wish I understood the whole “mistress” scene a little better. Is every girl you cheat on your wife with considered a mistress or do you have to formally ask them on one knee to be your mistress? What if your mistress is also married, does that make you a mistress too? Wait… let me get back to the story.

In 1974 Lightfoot released a song called Sundown illustrating the volatile affair he was having with Cathy. It reflects the dark feelings he was experiencing at the time. “Sometimes I think it’s a shame / When I get feeling better when I’m feeling no pain.” It was all about Cathy and him drinking too much and being married to another woman. The way he describes it: “Well, I had this girlfriend one time, and I was at home working, at my desk, working at my songwriting which I had been doing all week since I was on a roll, and my girlfriend was somewhere drinking, drinking somewhere. So I was hoping that no one else would get their hands on her because she was pretty good looking! And that’s how I wrote the song ‘Sundown,’ and as a matter of fact, it was written just around Sundown, just as the sun was setting, behind the farm I had rented to use as a place to write the album.”

He was so jealous over her that he even fired one of his opening acts, bluegrass musicians Bruce and Brian Good, The Good Brothers, for “flirting” with Cathy.

Cathy was also cited in Lightfoot’s divorce papers. Gordon Lightfoot and Brita Ingegerd Olaisson were married for 10 years and divorced in 1973. Shortly after their affair ended Brita was awarded what was once considered the largest divorce settlement in Canadian history—$4,500 a month, which, in today’s dollars, works out to close to $290,000 a year. She died June 8, 2005 @ 70 years old.  Gordon is still alive. Smith just returned to Helm and the rest of the guys in The Band.

Well now I know more about what I set out to learn but the story continues. I had to see what happens next.

Around 1976, Cathy became a backup singer for Hoyt Axton who was a coke head. She sang on his song Fearless and started using heroin. She became the drug dealer to Ron Wood and Keith Richards. She moved to LA and became a full-time drug dealer to them and other entertainers. Then she met John Belushi on the set of SNL when The Band was the musical guest.

Saturday Night Live Season 2 Episode 6. October 30, 1976 with host Buck Henry and musical guest The Band. Lots of episodes actually look worth seeing more than once. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Saturday_Night_Live_episodes_(seasons_1%E2%80%9330)#Season_1_(1975–76)

Life went on like that for a while. I’m going to focus on one day that brought it all to a head. It would help you to remember the story of John Belushi and his cocaine addiction. He’d also occasionally combine it with heroin. In the early morning hours of March 5,1982, at the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood, Belushi was visited by friends Robin Williams, Robert DeNiro and Cathy Smith. I don’t know all the details but I do know Robin Williams was creeped out by Cathy and thought she was a lowlife. Belushi died. His death was investigated and was officially ruled a drug-related accident.

Two months later, on June 29, 1982, the National Enquirer headline came out: “I killed John Belushi. I didn’t mean to, but I am responsible.” Cathy admitted in the interview that she had injected Belushi with 11 speedballs and that she had given him the fatal shot. The case was then reopened and she was extradited from Ontario in June 1986, arrested, and charged with first-degree murder. A plea bargain reduced it to involuntary manslaughter. She served 15 months in prison from Dec 86 to Mar 88.

She was deported to Canada and worked as a legal secretary in Toronto and spoke to teenagers about the dangers of drugs. Smith co-wrote the book Chasing the Dragon in 1984 which told her life story.

Also in 1984 Smith appeared in the Bob Woodward book, Wired: The Short Life and Fast Times of John Belushi.

In 1989 she was played by Patti D’Arbanville in the film version of Wired (found here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHRaZdFOVvs).

She was arrested in Vancouver Jul 91 with two grams of heroin and got 12 months’ probation.  

In 98 she appeared in the E! True Hollywood Story on Belushi’s death.

She currently lives in Maple Ridge, BC.

Side note 1: Ronnie Hawkins’s band, The Hawks, consisted of Levon Helm, Robbie Robertson, Garth Hudson, Rick Danko, and Richard Manuel. All of them left Ronnie Hawkins and became the backing group for Bob Dylan and then went on to a career of their own as The Band.

Side note 2: Short Fat Fannie is by Larry Williams from 1957 – I found it on Spotify in his 1959 album Here’s Larry Williams.

Side note 3: What happened to the band baby? !!!?

Register 5 is open with no waiting

Thursday night after my dinner of smashed potatoes covered in hot chili I get a craving for some desert. I normally would just be happy to have a big plate of warmth filling my stomach but today was different. I went the entire work day working and did not take a break to eat lunch. It was even trick-or-treat day where everybody except a few old fogies, myself included as an old fogie, decorated and dressed up for the parade of children that came in to take candy. Everybody was eating candy and donuts and talking about candy and donuts while I stayed put on my keyboard checking off item after item on my list of things to do. The day came to an end, I came home, ate dinner and decided I wanted a little of what I did not get today. But… I had nothing here that would fit the hole my want had created so I decided on a road trip. First I had to get funds for my journey so I raided my change jar. I pulled out six dollars in nickles, dimes and quarters and put them all in the left pocket of my shorts. The pennies that I separated from that mess were about a handful so that went in the other pocket. I grabbed the keys and went to Target. I have my sights on getting some dark chocolate Silk almond milk. I get there, grab my basket, throw my keys in the basket as my pockets are full of coins, walk to the back cooler where they keep the milk and see they only have one half gallon left. I have always found it odd that this Target always has one or two half gallons of my prize. I have never seen a fully stocked shelf like all the other kinds of milk they have. I just think to myself that one is better than none so I grab it and walk up to the registers. I see maybe 6 lines open but register 5 has nobody waiting. I walk up to it and see there’s no cashier. Since the light is on showing it is open I take the milk and put it where it goes on the belt and reach in to my pocket to start counting change. I start counting the nickels. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five and I make my first stack on the counter. I make another stack then another until I have three dollars worth of stacks. Now the act of making twelve 25 cent stacks of nickels does not happen immediately. It takes work of picking them out from dimes and quarters and arranging them in a pleasant arrangement for the cashier to admire. When I completed the last stack I looked up and there was still no cashier. I look around and at the end of the lane on the way to the exit was what looked like a security guard stretching out looking at something other than me. There were no signs that anybody knew I was even here. I grabbed the milk and I left.

On my way across the parking lot to my car I reach in my pocket to grab my keys but did not find them. I reach in the other pocket to find the same result. Oh my god. Did I lock the keys in the car? I used to do that all the time maybe the first year after I got a car which was about twenty-five years ago. I can’t believe I could’ve done it again. Then I remembered that I threw them in the basket I left on the belt. I turned around and went back to get them.

I go in through the out door just to retrace my steps. I put my milk on the shelf just inside the doors as I will be right back to claim it. As I walk up the register I just left I see the stacks of change. Sitting next to that were my keys, my phone and the empty basket. I didn’t think I took them out of the basket but maybe I did. Then I see a cashier walking over to the same line I was walking to. I grab my phone and keys as she is looking at all the change asking “What’s that?” with a young urban accent and attitude. I mean you could hear the entitlement expectations in her voice of her not even attempting to understand what this was. She wanted a book report explanation of the events that led up to this. I told her I was only back for my belongings and what I am leaving behind is payment for the milk I just bought. “Oh no you didn’t” as she leaves her register and walks over to that person who looks like a security guard. I proceed to walk back over to my milk and grab it when I hear her saying how I just left with the milk. Upon hearing that I turn around and ask her if she wants to scan it to make it easier for her. I don’t even hear the words being said but they were not directed to me or acknowledging my question. It is more sounding like her explaining to the guard what is going on as they are both looking at me with their mouths open. I am asking if she wants to scan this or if I should just leave but there was no response other than their eyes staring at me with their jaws dropped open. I left.

The world is a funny place.

The Journey Begins

Everybody has their own point of view and all the people that agree with that point of view are lumped together. People are mistakenly lumped into that group due to various reasons by who is lumping them. The comments at the bottom of a story I found on social media are what motivated me to begin defining myself in print. The main article can be found here: http://www.newsweek.com/white-supremacists-charlottesville-campus-fliers-662659 and the specific comments triggering my post today are from Elizabeth Pengson and Tony Taylor.

Ms. Pengson says this nation was never white and we are land grabbers and squatters on this land. Mr. Taylor comes back saying that white people stole it all to benefit the white race and we need to remember that.

My translation of this is that Ms. Pengson is white and is acknowledging that her ancestors stole this land from the people that were here which was not the correct way of doing things. Mr. Taylor is also white telling us his ancestors did it to make a better life for white people and that white people need to acknowledge, recognize and appreciate that it was done this way otherwise white people may not have all the privilege white people are accustomed to.

I will now give my point of view. I see no reason to embrace the horrors that got this 47-year-old white man everything I have been privileged to receive. I feel sacrifice is needed in an attempt to level a seemingly impossible-to-level playing field. The type of sacrifices required to accomplish this is my stumbling block. I can do what I can on an individual level by respecting all people regardless of how they were born in regards to race, gender or sexuality. I can also try to recognize the person that was born on third base and thinks they hit a triple versus the person that has been at bat countless times but has never seen third base. I can further try to recognize why they have never seen third base and not just assume that they may not be a good hitter or not practice hard enough. (For more info on where this thought came from you can go here:  http://neguswhoread.com/wypipo-explained/)

I can’t say that I am fully immune to hard feelings against people but they are learned feelings based on reason and actual experience. I don’t have anything against people just because of their race, color, religion, sex, or national origin. The hard feelings come along when they become stupid and affect me. Try wearing a Steeler’s logo in Cleveland.

I can say I am prejudiced toward felons. I feel if you live in this country there are certain rules that need to be followed. If you cannot follow those rules you get punished. Some rules are stupid, maybe most rules are stupid but the rules that carry felonious consequences should be acknowledged by everyone. If you do not like those rules you should do something to change them or shut up about it.

I feel things are unfair. One of several examples I have is the time I was thrown in jail because of my reaction to an officer disrespecting me. It has taught me not to react that way anymore. As first stated by Epictetus, a man born a slave about 2,000 years ago: It is not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters. I feel like a better person because of it. This was only a misdemeanor offense but it still scars my record of being a law-abiding citizen. If this had been a felony I may have different views but since it was not I feel that what I experienced in jail was a joke. I saw everybody in cages being fed and clothed and cleaned and given free time to roam about the wing outside of their cage to watch tv, play cards and interact with their fellow prisoners. Every day was exactly the same. Some were even forced into indigency by incarceration because they lost their job and home for being away for so long. What a pain in the ass. You break one of these stupid rules and wind up in jail for 90 days and lose everything that you have. Now don’t get me wrong. If you are barely hanging on to what you have and then go and smack your girl for any reason then you get what’s coming to you but if you get arrested on a bench warrant because you didn’t show up for court to pay for a traffic ticket that you didn’t have money to pay and then lose your house and job because of it then that needs to change. Felony charges are something I cannot relate to because it seems to me that common sense would apply to knowing things that fall into this area. I may be wrong as I have no experience in this ring but from what I have seen any felon should be dead. Prison is like a zoo. Felons are caught to protect them from the wild (or to protect the wild from them) except the taxpayers pay to keep them safe and alive. If we opened it up for visitors to come and view them like wild animals and charged these visitors as if it was an actual zoo then we could take the bill off of the taxpayer. If that particular prison/zoo did not get enough business it would have to close. The felons would have to be transferred to other zoos to be kept safe. One by one the prisons would go under. The other option, which would also be the consequence of this first plan once the last prison closed, is to kill them as soon as they are found guilty of the felony. Get rid of them. You can’t follow the rules, you die.

I can also say I am prejudiced toward anybody with an unearned sense of entitlement. Just because you exist does not mean that you get anything just because you think you should have it. I may even go so far as to take something away from a person like this, depending on the situation. …No, in my head I like to think like this but will I really do it? I doubt it.

I do not know how much I know versus how much I assume about history. This may hold true with some of you so let me lump all of those people together. This is what I and my fellow lumpers believe. Our ancestors were stuck in a country that was bringing them down. Too many people, too many taxes, too little freedom to do what they wanted to do. Word got out that some Italian renegade had begun colonizing the New World and they jumped on the bandwagon. They came over and were given land by their sponsored countries that must have acquired this land with squatter’s rights. I can maybe compare it to walking into a supermarket and seeing everything and just taking it all because it was there. No, bad analogy. Items in a supermarket are owned by the supermarket. The land wasn’t owned by anyone as it was one with the people who lived there. It was altogether a working circle of life before somebody came and said they wanted it for the queen or whatever bullshit they said. As these white people are building up trying to make a new home for themselves they found that exporting crops and goods back home to Europe was very profitable as long as they had a lot of workers. They created plantations that required intensive labor to grow, harvest, and process prized tropical crops. Next thing you know there are all kinds of dead natives. The natives that were not dead became enslaved to their new world order and soon began dying from being overworked and from old world diseases. Next, we can bring in the ships from the slave coast of western Africa in Jan 1526 telling all the new world settlers that they can buy slaves they’ve captured from war-torn neighboring African states to work their plantations and mines and rice fields. They could also be used in the construction industry, cutting timber for ships, in skilled labor, and as domestic servants. What a perfect way to build up a new world. Not like it was started here. Slavery has been going on long before this. It came here because of the greed and need to exploit the new world for profit.

Now I need to expand on two points of that last paragraph. Picture yourself in that scene. I’m not saying this is accurate. It is just what comes to mind. I cannot see it from the native point of view as I am unfamiliar with what their lives were like before us. I know I said it was all a harmonious circle of life but did that mean there was never any war or conflict? Come on. Knowing how I am I’m sure I would’ve been killed somehow. I cannot see it from the slave point of view either because of the backstory which I compare incorrectly, I’m sure, to Californians besting any inland states’ population for either coming into Cali or for not treating Californians nice enough when visiting the inland states and therefore enslaving them and selling them to the next new world order. It makes no sense why they were enslaved in the first place but then they are presented to the new world as slaves for purchase and they actually let it happen? I’m sure I would’ve been killed here too. Now from the new world order’s point of view. I hear an opportunity to get in on the ground floor of a new venture of freedom and opportunity away from old world rule so I jump on it. I get here and put in the work and eventually get my own land. Now I find that there’s too much work for me to do so I make the natives do it for me. Then some ships come in with slaves for sale and answer my problems.

Have I realized I am over my head? Would staying in the homeland maybe have been a better choice? Was owning a slave just what you did back then? I’ll try to compare it to smoking. I didn’t come up with the idea of smoking on my own. A friend got me started. Then I found all kinds of new friends who smoked as well. It’s just what you did. Not once in maybe the first fourteen years of smoking did I think it was bad but two years after that I quit and got a dog (the one pictured up top). Were slaves just like cigarettes? Did everybody smoke? I need more information to fully understand where I was and what my choices could have been.

The other point I need to mention is my use of “our ancestors.” I really have no idea how or when my bloodline got here. It may not have happened until after slavery was abolished and suffrage was available to all. My granddad, a Fin, was adopted by another Fin family that I have no history on. I have little backstory on my other granddad or both grandmoms. As far as I know, I’m mostly German with a little Irish.

In an attempt to wrap this up I can say that currently I do not know exactly where I fall in terms of being part of the solution but I am a person trying to recognize when I can help make life better for everybody.

Some other reading that helped fuel this…

http://www.theroot.com/angry-earth-is-determined-to-murder-us-all-1802689008